This reminds me a little of Something Wicked This Way Comes. Intriguing beginning, although I was a little confused by the sudden perspective change from the performers to the kids.
Also, I'm guessing rock is some kind of rock candy?
Thanks Leigh. Which part had you confused? I can take a look at that and see if there's anything I can smooth out. I was going for the kids watching them roll in and set up, then get closer. Rock is a stick if of boiled candy. I'll throw this in as a footnote on the manuscript 😊 I'll probably have to do that with a few things!
Well, the first few paragraphs seem to be from a more omnicient perspective, where you can see what the people in the carriage are doing. Then it switches to the urchins' perspective under the carriage. Not a huge deal, but kind of threw me off for a second.
Perfect prologue — it sets the stage so well: we’ve got a mysterious circus of odd acts and they seem to move suddenly after ~scandal~ or mishaps. And with the kids at the end and the Crooked Man, I would wager it always involves children… you tell the perfect amount of setup here
Thanks, Keith. I rewrote this chapter so many times. At one time, I'd humanised the performers too much, so changing the perspective to that of the kids was the final edit! Glad it worked out.
Off to a wonderful start! I was as miserable with the rain as the young woman, and as delighted as the boys at the rock candy. Fontini is already sinister. Can't wait for more!
Thanks, Evelyn. As tempting as it was for me to drop a handful for the first instalment, I think this one a week malarky will have to do. I am learning discipline 😄
I get serious IT vibes here.
The ambience was perfect, a rainy night, soggy shoes, muddy field.
👍✋💯
Thanks Joseph. That rain is quite bad in summer.
Loved the image of the urchins scattering fast as rats: perfect for the context and the urchin children.
Thank you. They are the invisible eyes, everywhere. So useful.
This reminds me a little of Something Wicked This Way Comes. Intriguing beginning, although I was a little confused by the sudden perspective change from the performers to the kids.
Also, I'm guessing rock is some kind of rock candy?
Thanks Leigh. Which part had you confused? I can take a look at that and see if there's anything I can smooth out. I was going for the kids watching them roll in and set up, then get closer. Rock is a stick if of boiled candy. I'll throw this in as a footnote on the manuscript 😊 I'll probably have to do that with a few things!
Well, the first few paragraphs seem to be from a more omnicient perspective, where you can see what the people in the carriage are doing. Then it switches to the urchins' perspective under the carriage. Not a huge deal, but kind of threw me off for a second.
Ooooo, great start!
Looking forward for more! I'm impatient though... ;>D
Perfect prologue — it sets the stage so well: we’ve got a mysterious circus of odd acts and they seem to move suddenly after ~scandal~ or mishaps. And with the kids at the end and the Crooked Man, I would wager it always involves children… you tell the perfect amount of setup here
Thanks, Keith. I rewrote this chapter so many times. At one time, I'd humanised the performers too much, so changing the perspective to that of the kids was the final edit! Glad it worked out.
It was a brilliant stroke - it puts the intensity into the story and is just revealing enough to make the reader want to know more
Hugo seems a Pied Piper type. We'll have to keep an eye on him.
Ahhh, yes---the rats! We will have to keep an eye on Hugo.
Starting strong with a clown leading the charge into darkness… I’m half terrified and loving it.
People hate clowns! My husband imagined Art the clown and I said 'he's not that bad!' or maybe he is...
Off to a wonderful start! I was as miserable with the rain as the young woman, and as delighted as the boys at the rock candy. Fontini is already sinister. Can't wait for more!
Really looking forward to sharing this one with you! It's taken a while to get it started but I'm happy with it. Every chapter is fun to write.
It takes a lot to creep me out Hanna….Mission Accomplished!
You are very welcome.
Great beginning! Can't wait to see where this goes.
Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it!
Joseph and E.K. have just said what I was going to say.
I love the way you have the camera looking at all this from the urchins' point of view. Then they get discovered. It all works excellently!
Except now we have to wait a whole week for the next bit! Well, guess we shall have to simply get used to that...
Thanks, Evelyn. As tempting as it was for me to drop a handful for the first instalment, I think this one a week malarky will have to do. I am learning discipline 😄
You are also mischievously teasing us and keeping us in suspense. I approve!
What a setting! Looking forward to the next installment...
Thanks, Katharine. Can't wait to kick it off.
Yup. I’m hooked already! 😎
Whitelegs is creeping me out with all of his rock...
I am so excited - this is a super intriguing start, Hanna! I can't wait to see Muldoon again!!
I really loved the view from the children's perspective under the carriage, as well as the rich descriptions. A great start!
Thank you very much. Looking forward to taking you on this journey!