This is great, Hanna. Brought to mind a combination of an episode of Uncanny in its brilliantly straight forward story telling and, of course, the sailors from John Carpenter’s The Fog 🌫️
Would be interesting if you returned to the same setting even without the same family 👍🏼
Uncannily enough I was just thinking about M. R. James about an hour ago while I did my hot chocolate in preparation for reading your ghost story with something nice and chocolatey hot inside me. Just in case, you know. Obviously, with regards to Barney, it's a case of oh whistle and I will not come to you.
The other great thing about this story is the first half and how mundane it is, not the writing, I mean as a contrast with the deserted cove away from civilisation. Most of us (at least us English) can probably relate to those kinds of holiday trips. Especially the wine gums. Although having an Abba tape on the stereo would presumably have ruined the atmosphere in this story.
I agree with some of the other commenters too - this setting definitely deserves a series. You really do tell a good story, don't you!
Yes, he will NOT do as he's told. Thank you, Evelyn. I'm really glad you enjoyed it and agree with what you say about ABBA. As Brits, we've all been in a car in a very similar situation at some point in our lives 🤣
LOVE this! I really hope you do turn this into something longer, just as George said, even if multiple families end up converging on this cottage, I reckon it would be an awesome dual perspective. I love Alfie's reliance on the internet, bless his heart, and the ending - so unaware and unaffected - really made me smile, despite having been super creeped out! I am going to have to look twice at every rock every time I go down to the beach in the dark, now 😅😂
LOL don't take the dog, because they'll bloody ignore you.
I had several more ideas for this overnight. It's probably going to be a novella made up of lots of stories about this cove and the cottage. The locals will just think tourists are stupid and don't listen to the warnings about the rough seas and tides.
Hi George, thanks for your comment! It does say "it wasn’t until we’d reached the service station somewhere near Bristol that my parents started speaking again. From our direction of travel, I’d surmised that they must have decided to go home at some point in the night." Do you think it needs to be clearer that they decided to just go home instead of finding somewhere else to stay that week? Bristol is North of Cornwall, so perhaps that could have been explained too.
No. I think you should do what you want to do. I just wanted to know more about the ghostly figure on the beach, who left the watery footprints, in other words, more of the story. I understood, parents wanted to go home. But I didn’t want them to leave the area until the ghost had been confronted. Overly pushy reader. Ha! Ha!
This is great, Hanna. Brought to mind a combination of an episode of Uncanny in its brilliantly straight forward story telling and, of course, the sailors from John Carpenter’s The Fog 🌫️
Would be interesting if you returned to the same setting even without the same family 👍🏼
I think the convergence of a few guests/owners living or staying there will have to happen. It's a good idea.
Thanks for reading, Dan! Ah what a compliment mentioning The Fog!
I also thought Uncanny! Maybe we heard the same one.
Loved this though.
Thank you!
Hey well done! Definitely M. R. James vibes. I loved the mystery of the whole piece, too!
Thank you 😄 I haven't told a "ghost story" for ages. Glad it went down well.
Ah, wonderful build-up of tension!
Thanks, Bill!
Uncannily enough I was just thinking about M. R. James about an hour ago while I did my hot chocolate in preparation for reading your ghost story with something nice and chocolatey hot inside me. Just in case, you know. Obviously, with regards to Barney, it's a case of oh whistle and I will not come to you.
The other great thing about this story is the first half and how mundane it is, not the writing, I mean as a contrast with the deserted cove away from civilisation. Most of us (at least us English) can probably relate to those kinds of holiday trips. Especially the wine gums. Although having an Abba tape on the stereo would presumably have ruined the atmosphere in this story.
I agree with some of the other commenters too - this setting definitely deserves a series. You really do tell a good story, don't you!
Yes, he will NOT do as he's told. Thank you, Evelyn. I'm really glad you enjoyed it and agree with what you say about ABBA. As Brits, we've all been in a car in a very similar situation at some point in our lives 🤣
Very nicely done!
Thank you! I was really excited about this one. Haven't done a ghost story in a long time.
Good and creepy! I loved it! I felt like I was right there with them, and if I had been Jack I’d have passed out. The fisherman is a perfect ghost.
Thank you, Liz! Poor Jack. As if going on holiday with your parents isn't stressful enough eh.
LOVE this! I really hope you do turn this into something longer, just as George said, even if multiple families end up converging on this cottage, I reckon it would be an awesome dual perspective. I love Alfie's reliance on the internet, bless his heart, and the ending - so unaware and unaffected - really made me smile, despite having been super creeped out! I am going to have to look twice at every rock every time I go down to the beach in the dark, now 😅😂
LOL don't take the dog, because they'll bloody ignore you.
I had several more ideas for this overnight. It's probably going to be a novella made up of lots of stories about this cove and the cottage. The locals will just think tourists are stupid and don't listen to the warnings about the rough seas and tides.
I'm so excited to read more of it!
Held my interest but wanted more. I assume the family did not go home and the beach will be explored
Hi George, thanks for your comment! It does say "it wasn’t until we’d reached the service station somewhere near Bristol that my parents started speaking again. From our direction of travel, I’d surmised that they must have decided to go home at some point in the night." Do you think it needs to be clearer that they decided to just go home instead of finding somewhere else to stay that week? Bristol is North of Cornwall, so perhaps that could have been explained too.
No. I think you should do what you want to do. I just wanted to know more about the ghostly figure on the beach, who left the watery footprints, in other words, more of the story. I understood, parents wanted to go home. But I didn’t want them to leave the area until the ghost had been confronted. Overly pushy reader. Ha! Ha!
You've given me a lot to think about. This might still have legs!
Hmm, you've given me some good ideas, George! Maybe this cottage will feature again.