I read this when I woke this morning and have been chewing on it since. The more I think about it the better it gets. I loved the mostly unspoken fact that she was "made" for him. With the "no refunds" bit, it took a little while for it to sink in how shallow & dystopian this relationship was, which in turn re-frames the "no emotions" comments in the middle. In a sense, it was never really love, was it? It was use. It was a transaction from the start, a choice to commercialize a person (or create something like a person), all for an experience he probably knew would be fleeting.
... of course that all assumes I'm reading the subtext correctly.
I second Hyun Woo. Fascinating to see how different our takes were. I'll have to get my own submission up here soon!
Thank you, Hyun Woo. I feel the same about the stories everyone has produced. I'll be really interested to see what we all come up with after we receive tomorrow's prompt. A writer's mind is unique!
Rachel's a replicant, right? I like the way you leave that unspoken. I like it.
If this has to be under 250 words etc. then eliminate all the 'that' words (like in the first sentence). I had to do that a few times to get under word limits and do close readings half a dozen times ripping the thing to shreds! It's a painful process!
I wasn't going with replicant but I love how you saw that. I was actually thinking more of a "Bedazzled" kind of story. A lonely man makes a deal with an unsavory character, or a wish. She is everything he wanted at that time when he felt those things. Now she's here and although she is everything he wished for, there's a lot more to her that he did not wish for.
Ah - now that also makes sense! I hadn't thought of that one. But isn't it great how a reader can do their own interpretation? That's the sign of good writing.
Whilst we're on the subject of fairytales, it suddenly strikes me that you've just done another one, except you've reversed the gender roles. Feminist theory criticises fairytales by suggesting it's always the girl who is rescued and subordinate to the handsome prince, as the archetypal male (and replacement for the 'father', if we incorporate the Freudian aspect - notice in fairytales the birth mother is usually not there anymore, and replaced by the (wicked) stepmother, as a rival for the father's affections). In your story, it's clearly the bloke who is the subordinate role kind of thing. Does this make sense?
Second - I needed to ask you if it was ok to reference your little piggy story in the article I'm planning to do about fairytales, since it was your story that provoked/inspired my brain into thinking about it, and I was going to mention that at the beginning of the article. It means I'd have an excuse to link to your story of course. Let me know if you don't want me to do that, or alternately if you're ok with it.
I had almost forgotten about my understanding of fairytales, perhaps because it'd become completely innate and instinctive. I've even thought of the second article already. (magical realism as intrinsic to the fairytale. Ironically that's relevant to the Tempest, of course. - oh, getting up to date with your Oceanus is on my to-do list, just to reassure you!).
Yes that does make sense. The male characters are subordinate to the apex predator in that predator's territory. I'd never thought about the Freudian analysis on fairytales but that is good. Mother is always missing. I was actually drafting up a snow white twist looking at that in particular after our conversation yesterday. Yes, I don't mind you linking the story, that's absolutely fine! Share away. Sorry for the lack of paragraphs. I use the app on my phone a lot and it lacks some essentials!
Ooooo that ending! I love how you took us on a journey from a garden variety marriage breakdown, into something a bit otherworldly and straight through to a horror. Great story!
I read this when I woke this morning and have been chewing on it since. The more I think about it the better it gets. I loved the mostly unspoken fact that she was "made" for him. With the "no refunds" bit, it took a little while for it to sink in how shallow & dystopian this relationship was, which in turn re-frames the "no emotions" comments in the middle. In a sense, it was never really love, was it? It was use. It was a transaction from the start, a choice to commercialize a person (or create something like a person), all for an experience he probably knew would be fleeting.
... of course that all assumes I'm reading the subtext correctly.
I second Hyun Woo. Fascinating to see how different our takes were. I'll have to get my own submission up here soon!
It's fascinating to read how different your take is from mine. Nice work!
Thank you, Hyun Woo. I feel the same about the stories everyone has produced. I'll be really interested to see what we all come up with after we receive tomorrow's prompt. A writer's mind is unique!
No refunds! The only word I can think of right now is Wow!
Thank you Isha. Your words mean a lot.
This is a fun story.
Thank you. I don't want to reveal too much about Rachel but everyone's asking so I might 🤔 I see you write a range of fiction, too!
I don't know about the writing competition, but as a standalone piece, it was good. Maybe a bit lacking in context. Overall great read :)
Thank you very much. The word limit was 250 so it was a huge challenge.
It's quite hard to write a cohesive story in 250 words. You did a wonderful job.
This is intense and I adore the compelling actions by both characters. Nicely done, Hanna!
Thank you, Nicola 😁
This is so striking! The visuals and how you keep the exact nature of things just out of frame. I can see immediately why it got you in. Very nice.
Thank you. I had a lot of fun with it 😊
Rachel's a replicant, right? I like the way you leave that unspoken. I like it.
If this has to be under 250 words etc. then eliminate all the 'that' words (like in the first sentence). I had to do that a few times to get under word limits and do close readings half a dozen times ripping the thing to shreds! It's a painful process!
Congrats, though and good luck!
I wasn't going with replicant but I love how you saw that. I was actually thinking more of a "Bedazzled" kind of story. A lonely man makes a deal with an unsavory character, or a wish. She is everything he wanted at that time when he felt those things. Now she's here and although she is everything he wished for, there's a lot more to her that he did not wish for.
Ah - now that also makes sense! I hadn't thought of that one. But isn't it great how a reader can do their own interpretation? That's the sign of good writing.
Whilst we're on the subject of fairytales, it suddenly strikes me that you've just done another one, except you've reversed the gender roles. Feminist theory criticises fairytales by suggesting it's always the girl who is rescued and subordinate to the handsome prince, as the archetypal male (and replacement for the 'father', if we incorporate the Freudian aspect - notice in fairytales the birth mother is usually not there anymore, and replaced by the (wicked) stepmother, as a rival for the father's affections). In your story, it's clearly the bloke who is the subordinate role kind of thing. Does this make sense?
Second - I needed to ask you if it was ok to reference your little piggy story in the article I'm planning to do about fairytales, since it was your story that provoked/inspired my brain into thinking about it, and I was going to mention that at the beginning of the article. It means I'd have an excuse to link to your story of course. Let me know if you don't want me to do that, or alternately if you're ok with it.
I had almost forgotten about my understanding of fairytales, perhaps because it'd become completely innate and instinctive. I've even thought of the second article already. (magical realism as intrinsic to the fairytale. Ironically that's relevant to the Tempest, of course. - oh, getting up to date with your Oceanus is on my to-do list, just to reassure you!).
Yes that does make sense. The male characters are subordinate to the apex predator in that predator's territory. I'd never thought about the Freudian analysis on fairytales but that is good. Mother is always missing. I was actually drafting up a snow white twist looking at that in particular after our conversation yesterday. Yes, I don't mind you linking the story, that's absolutely fine! Share away. Sorry for the lack of paragraphs. I use the app on my phone a lot and it lacks some essentials!
Many congratulations on getting into Gibberish! So, so pleased for you. Soon the work begins 😬 - all those deadlines! 🤯
I know! What have I let myself in for? Trying not to panic ha ha
Fantastic! The “No refund” ending is splendid. I wish you all the best in the competition!
Thanks Sergej! I'm really looking forward to it.
Ooooo that ending! I love how you took us on a journey from a garden variety marriage breakdown, into something a bit otherworldly and straight through to a horror. Great story!